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Friday, May 22, 2026

Tell Me You Don't Want My Money Without Telling Me You Don't Want My Money

Recently I got a flyer in the mail advertising a rather significant bonus if I opened a checking and savings account with a bank and met certain deposit requirements. It seemed like a good deal, so I ran some numbers and verified it was worth my time. When I decided to open the account, I was somewhat surprised at the branch's limited hours: Monday-Friday 9-5. This immediately made the project more challenging as, like many people, I have a job whose hours align closely with that. I decided to stop by Monday after work. 

I arrived around 4:20 and informed the teller I wanted to open a checking and savings account in the name of my trust. She told me "I don't know if we'll have time. It takes about an hour". In disbelief I asked "To open a checking & savings account?" She stated that was indeed the case. She then asked someone about the trust, the paperwork for which I had of course brought with me in case it was needed. That person informed me "This has to be sent in and approved before we can open the account. Would you like me to send it in for you?" At this point in my head, we had just hit strikes 2 & 3. The 1st strike was the very limited branch hours. The 2nd, related is to the 1st, is that due to the amount of time it takes you to open the accounts, I will essentially never have time to do so. And 3rd, too much hassle about my trust. I told the employees "It's not worth it" and left. By these 3 items, this bank had told me they didn't want my money, and my money has other places it can be. The funny thing is, I already have 2 credit cards with this bank (3 until recently), and the opening those accounts literally took minutes, all done online from the comfort of my house.

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