Everybody Dies

Yes, I know, you were looking for a light, fun piece of reading. Sorry, not today. This is too important a topic to ignore. It was inspired by the recent death of a family member. She was in her 80s, and she had been ill for some time, so her passing was not unexpected. However, when my mom asked what this relative had indicated she wanted for her funeral service, she was told it had never been discussed! This woman had been ill for almost a year and had been living full time with her only child. Don't tell me there was never time.

This is just crazy. As a woman I heard on tv the other day said "dying is a part of living". Solomon echoes this in the famous passage from Ecclesiastes 3

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

It is not an easy part to be sure. I know this more than most. However, it is a part none the less. My previous column was about being prepared for weather related issues. It is just as important to be prepared for the end of life.

There are some things everyone needs to do. Yes, this means you.

1. Decide you what you want

Yes, this means you have to think about your own mortality. Get over it. Think about what type of medical interventions you find acceptable under what circumstances. Then write it down so people can understand your philosophy. Mine goes something like this "If a treatment will bring me back to being me and extend my life, use it. If it keeps me from pain, use it. If it's merely prolonging death, don't use it."

What kind of funeral service do you want, if any? Do you want to be cremated? If you want to be buried, what kind of casket do you want, where do you want to be buried, what kind of headstone do you want, etc.?

Who gets your stuff when you pass? You may say "Oh, I don't have much" or "I'll let my kids figured it out when I'm gone". Nope, no free pass. You have to DECIDE. It's not fair to dump it off on your grieving relatives after you die. 

2. Have documents that support your vision in #1

This means you must WRITE IT DOWN. You need to have documents that will allow a designated person (along with a couple backups hopefully) to make medical decisions for you if you aren't able. You need to write down your treatment philosophy so the person knows what you would and doesn't have to anguish over doing the right thing.

You need a will at a minimum. A trust would be better. Not having an estate plan is bad for you but good for the lawyer you will have to hire. Case in point- the life insurance people would not discuss payout with my relative's only child because my relative didn't leave a will. Thus, her child is going to have to hire a lawyer to get this straightened out.

If you have minor children, you MUST have guardianship arrangements for them in the unlikely event you and their other parent pass at the same time. Otherwise, the courts will decide who raises your kids. Do you really want to leave something that important to chance?

You can purchase a Will and Trust kit from Suze Orman's website. It has step by step directions and is customized for your specific state. It's what I used to do my documents. There are lots of others online I'm sure, or you can also contact a lawyer who specializes in such things. The most important thing is to GET IT DONE.

3. Talk to your family about #1 & #2

It does no good if you go through the first 2 steps but no one knows about it. Talking about it does not hasten your death. It just means you have made preparations for whenever it does occur, even if it's 50 years in the future.  

If you are medically incapacitated, whoever is making your treatment decisions can't follow your wishes if they don't know what they are. The person arranging your funeral is unlikely to magically guess what you would have wanted. Dividing up your possessions in accordance with your wishes without knowing your wishes is difficult. My own grandparents finally did a will a couple years ago but didn't tell anyone until recently. It wouldn't have been too useful because no one would have known of its existence.

My point is not to depress you. Rather, it's to save your family headaches and heartaches. A little preparation goes a long way. We will all die. Thus we all need to make these arrangements.

Be Prepared Already

This quote appeared in last Sunday's paper in an article about the snow storm that hit Tulsa that week

Marnie Fernandez had four children and a sick husband at home Friday but almost no milk or toilet paper. The blizzard that dumped 20 inches of snow, sleet and ice on Tulsa on Tuesday still had the area paralyzed, and while Fernandez had her driveway shoveled, several inches of snow and higher drifts blocked the streets of her neighborhood.

She had only a few granola bars and fruit snacks for the kids and worried that a new storm would collapse her roof.

I was incredulous. You are home for only 4 days, and you are almost completely about a food and TP? Do you keep nothing in your house at all?

There is of course the other extreme. It's captured really well in a commercial I saw the other night for Dodge's vehicles with all wheel drive. In the ad, snowflakes start to fall, and people starting making a mad dash for the store. That's what people do here. The stereotypical items people "must" have are bread, milk, eggs, and occasionally TP. Beer and cigarettes are optional cart additions.

My college student brother got to see the "snow panic" shopping in action himself recently. He was out of food, so he went to the store. He noticed when he got there that the parking lot seemed more full than usual. Just before he got out of his truck, he heard on the radio that snow was predicted for the area. He told me he said "oh no". When he got in the store, the bread aisle, which is an entire aisle, had about 15 loaves of bread remaining. Classic snow panic buying in action.

There is a happy middle ground. It's called being prepared. My dad was big on "winter survival mode". This included common sense things like having gloves with every coat, not letting your gas tank get too low in winter, making sure we had plenty of firewood (we heated with wood), and things of that nature. He and my mom also always had plenty of food on hand (though maybe not what we kids would have preferred to eat!) and of course, TP.

You too can take some simple steps to make your household ready for emergencies.
- Keep some non perishable, easy to prepare food on hand. Next time soup, pasta, tuna, etc, is on sale, buy a few extra containers.
- Think about how you'd prepare food if you had no power. If your stove is electric like mine, options are limited. This is why when I buy a house, it needs to have gas so I can still cook if the power is out. For those who really want to be prepared, consider buying a generator. A couple years ago our area had 2 events in less than 6 months that caused power outages in the 5+ day range. My aunt and uncle bought each other a generator for Christmas after the first outage. They were really thankful to have it for the 2nd one. My parents bought a generator over 10 years ago, and I know it's been used several times since then.
- Be mindful of other items needed by your family (such as the aforementioned TP). I doubt my sister and brother-in-law want to be stuck at home for 4 days with only a 2 day supply of diapers for my 19 month old niece. Eww!


Summary: Life happens. Odds are there will be times when you either can't get to the store for an extended period of time and/or the stores will be low on supplies. Make it easy on yourself and make some preparations now so you can be ready.

You Know You're Desperate For Candidates When...

You chase them down in the parking lot (literally)

This happened at my work yesterday.

Some backstory: We have been looking for 3rd shift maintenance technician since the fall. We hired one, but he didn't work out, so back to the drawing board. In the interim, our existing techs have to work 3rd shift every 3rd week, not something they love.

Our process for this position is as follows: Candidates take a written test. If the candidate gets a high enough score, he/she receives an application to complete, then we schedule an interview. If the first interview goes well, we schedule a 2nd interview and a hands on test.

We had a person take the written test yesterday. He passed, so we gave him an application to complete. Right after he stepped out the front door, the supervisor for the area was given the guy's information. He asked my teammate "Do you think he has time to interview now?". She replied "He's on his way out to his car". The supervisor takes off running out the front door, yelling to get the guy's attention before he gets in his vehicle. As one of our managers said "That doesn't look desperate does it?".

An Original Phrase By Yours Truly

2 by 4 (noun)- a person whose personality is exceeded by that possessed by a 2 X 4.

Enough said.

Favorite Work Phrase #9

We often say at work "(Name of company) is seldom boring". There is always some kind of excitement or drama occurring. Here are some examples from the last three days. Yes, three days.

Wednesday
One of our employees fell about 4 feet from a yard dog (like a semi but smaller, used to move trailers and containers around our property) and lands on his face. Because he struck his head, he was transported by EMS to the ER. Thankfully he ended up with only a few stitches and some bruising. It could have been much worse.

Thursday
1. Applicant utters potentially racist comment (see "A Way To Make Sure We Don't Want You To Work Here"

2. I was in a conference room with my teammate filing a claim from yesterday's employee accident when a coworker comes up to the window of the room and starts mouthing things to me. I don't read lips, so I left the room to find out what the wanted. He said "you need to look outside". I do, and I see flashing lights at the end of our parking lot. A truck driver was leaving our property with a loaded tank trailer (like the kind you'd haul gas or milk in). As he was turning out onto the street, the trailer became disconnected from truck, came to rest on the landing gear, and blocked most of the 2 lane street. By the time I found out, the police had already arrived to direct traffic.  No one was injured, no product (oil) leaked, but it was certainly something.

Today
1. Supplier tells me it's our fault HE'S making mistakes (see "Favorite Work Phrase #8")

I'd say "seldom boring" is a very apt description, wouldn't you?

A Way To Make Sure We Don't Want You To Work Here

Note: You've probably noticed a lot of posts lately about recruiting. That would be because by the end of the month we plan to have increased the staff at our facility by 15% in about 2 months. This is our biggest ramp up since the company started in 1992.

Yesterday a candidate came in and had not completed her application beforehand like she was supposed to. She said she just had  little left; her furnace had went out the night before, so she was kind of flustered. I told her no problem, and I took her to a room so she could complete it. While she did that, I went on doing other things.

I came back to my desk some time later, and she was standing at the front window. I asked if she had the application done. She said "I gave it to that BLACK LADY over there". The candidate was white, I'm white, and the applicant was referring to my teammate who is obviously African American. Of course, I'm already cringing, mortified, and hoping no else heard this remark, especially my teammate. Well of course, during lunch another coworker (who is African American) said she heard it, and that at least two more coworkers (one of whom is also African American) did too. As the person I was having lunch with said "She was LOUD". Did I also mention that we work in an open office, so all the office workers at our location (about 20 people) are all in one large room?

Thankfully, the person who told me this yesterday laughed and wasn't offended. She, the other two coworkers whom I know heard it, and I discussed the issue today while I was at lunch. One of the two told me she had looked at the other two and said "Did she just say what I think she said?" when she heard what the candidate said, and this particular coworker is white. We all laughed quite a bit about it today, and thankfully we don't think my teammate could hear the applicant because my teammate was at the copier at the time, and the noise probably overshadowed the applicant.

I was simply incredulous that someone would say something like that in a job interview setting. YIKES. As we discussed today, we don't know exactly what she meant by her comment, but it didn't make her look favorable. The candidate was judged a TGG by the interviews, which I told one of them I could have told them before the interview started.

Favorite Work Phrase #8

"Pressed Enter"- the moment at which someone finally grasps the significance of the situation. Phrase coined by my coworker Shari

Real Life Example

Today I was working with a supplier to get plaques made for supplier awards. I've dealt with this company for years, and they have always done a great job. Unfortunately, the couple who ran it retired at the end of last year and sold it to someone else. I spent lots of time today going back and forth with the new person over errors with the proofs. It really is a pretty simple job. The company has the general layouts from last year, and we supply the exact verbiage to use. However, they kept messing it up. We'd mark the errors and send them back, and either the errors wouldn't be fixed or they would make new errors! We went back and forth several times by e-mail. The manager who'll be giving out the plaques was frustrated, and so was I.

I finally called the guy and asked him "What's going on with these plaques, and how can we make this better?". He was defensive, blaming US for the problem. Hello, YOU are the one not doing what we've asked. He then had the nerve to say "I don't know what you want". Here's a clue- focus on those squiggly lines we keep writing on the pages- they are called words. They tell you what we want. I then also said he should call if he had questions. I added "I know it's hard to proof your own work. Is there someone else there who could do that?". Of course, he didn't like that either. He also said he was busy doing other projects besides mine. I never said we were your only customer, but we expect quality work. Let's just say the entire conversation did not give me warm fuzzies. Finally I said we'd send him everything marked up AGAIN, and I suggested he do the changes this afternoon, then come in tomorrow, proof them (it is much easier to proof your own work after you've done something else in the interim), and send everything back to me tomorrow.

As soon as I got off the phone, I told the manager giving out these plaques "We are finding a new supplier next year". She agreed. Several coworkers had overheard the conversation, and they were amazed someone would be that rude to a customer.

Well, low and behold, not long before I left today, I received an e-mail from the supplier. He said he was sorry, he'd been having computer problems that contributed to the errors, he apologized if he came across as rude, etc. Yep, as my coworker would say "Old boy pressed enter". At some point he realized that being disrespectful to a customer with a $1000+ order who is only asking you to do your job is probably the wrong way to go.

Unusual Reason for Divorce

Monday I asked one of my coworkers if she'd finished her taxes. She said all she had left was to click "submit". Then she said "I might be getting a divorce". She and her husband both work at my company and have been married  for about 3 years. Apparently she saw the confused look on my face and said "I'm serious".

The next day I got more information. It seems they are impacted by the "marriage penalty" . For certain people, being married puts them in a higher tax bracket than if they were unmarried filing separately. She told me she was going to research it but was seriously considering it. Of course, they'd still live together, etc. She said "I know the promise I made before God.". They'd just be divorced in the eyes of the state and more importantly the IRS.

We talked about it again today. She said she going to run some scenarios, but it looks like being married costs them an extra $2000/year in taxes. She is still thinking strongly about the "tax divorce". She said if their tax situation ever changes, they can just "go to the courthouse" and get remarried.

I've never heard of anyone consider this for tax purposes. I know it is sometimes done for other purposes, for example there are "MaineCare divorces". My aunt said they see couples like this who come to her elder law firm. They've gotten divorced so they can qualify. Does anyone know anyone who's done it for tax purposes though?

Favorite Work Phrase #7

"I don't know if you know this or not"- a phrase indicating the utterer's complete lack of interest in what is being said by the other party

Origin of Phrase
My coworker claims she has a sign on her head that says "Tell me everything", because people have a tendency to do just that about their lives to her. On this particular day, an applicant could see her sign all the way through the phones lines. After hearing what was apparently a large portion of his life story, she finally got in "Would you like to come in to test for this position?" His response "I don't know if you know this or not, but I live in (small town about 35 miles away)." She said she wanted to tell him "I don't know if you know this or not, but I don't care", except what she said contained much stronger language.

Now when someone is trying to tell us something we don't need/want to know, we say "I don't know if you know this or not". People "get" it, and often they laugh along with us.