Alternate Definition of the Golden Rule

You are probably familiar with the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". This is true, and it is good advice to model in your life. Today I want to discuss another version of it: "He who has the gold makes the rules". There is truth to be found there as well.

Perhaps you read my previous post and found it a tad harsh. You need to remember that living in someone else's house while they take care of the bills is a privilege. It is THEIR house, thus they get to make the rules. You can choose not the follow them, but your choice may well lead to your needing to find alternate living quarters. He who has the gold makes the rules.

Another area I think you will see this in ever increasing frequency is employer actions regarding your health. Already many companies are requiring health screens, mandatory preventative health care utilization, and others even prohibit the use of tobacco products on or off the job (the latter is not lawful in all states). You may think: this is my life, and it's none of my employer's business how I live it. I am a huge advocacy of privacy and individual freedom, so I understand. However, if you are on your company's health or disability insurance, it is THEIR business. Your behavior helps determine claims which determine premiums. Thus, he who has the gold makes the rules.

Another area I've seen this arise is weddings. Frequently parents will "give" their kids money to pay for part or all of the ceremony. I put quotes around give for a reason. In a true gift, the recipient decides how to use the money. Often, though, the gift in these cases comes to be viewed by the giver as more of a trade of cash for influence in the wedding decision making. I even know one bride who told the groom "Your input in this (the wedding planning) is directly proportional to what you're paying- NONE!". Great way to start a marriage don't you think? If you are a giver in this situation- examine your motives. And remember- it's not YOUR wedding. If you are a recipient, fully consider possible ramifications of excepting. And remember- it is YOUR wedding.

Moral of today's story: For good or for bad, it is indeed sometimes true that "he who has the gold makes the rules".

Rules for Living (Here)

The below rules were developed by Christine Geiser and her husband. They have two college-age sons living at home. She said it was okay to share them, and other people might want to modify them to their specific situations. Enjoy!

As your parents, it is our hope that you will make wise choices in the future and develop into the brilliant man we know you can be. We are excited to see what you will make of yourself and know you have tremendous potential. There is no doubt in our mind you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. We know you are capable of making wise choices. As much as we have specific wants for how you live your life, ultimately we know the decision is up to you. Our purpose in composing the Rules below is to help you transition from being a dependent child to an independent adult. We are here to help you in that transition; however, it is your ultimate decision to either follow the rules or break them knowing the consequences of doing so.

We realize that we have made mistakes as parents. We hope you will forgive us for those mistakes. We are not perfect; however, we have tried to provide you with the love, support and discipline you needed while growing up in our home. Everything we’ve done has been because we love you; however, we know we have held you back from being all God desires you to be by providing many things to you without your having to work for them and by not being consistent in establishing rules and/or consequences. We are changing our behavior by the implementation of the Rules below. They will be enforced and will be enforced consistently. Please take heed to the changes we are making in this regard.

As mentioned, we love you. We want the best for you – always have, always will. We know mistakes will be made along the way. We all make them. We hope you will learn from your mistakes (as we are trying to do) pick yourself back up, and become a better person because of them. We will always love you, regardless of any mistakes you might make; however, we will no longer do the following:

1. Give you money
2. Argue, debate, and/or negotiate the Rules below
3. Co-sign a lease or mortgage
4. Bail you out of jail

We will:

1. Pray for you every day
2. Remain consistent in following the Rules below
3. Follow-up on the consequences listed below
4. Help you by providing the support contained in the Plan below
5. Be available for advice and love and provide resources to you

Keep in mind: We are talking about privileges, not entitlements. It’s a privilege to borrow our car, have a cell phone, eat free food, live rent-free and go to college. We are continuing to pay for many of those privileges on your behalf for a period of time beyond what we are required in order to help you get on your feet. We love you. “With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Mom and Dad

ENROLLED FULL-TIME IN SCHOOL (Available until age 23)

CURFEW

Sun., Mon., Tues., Weds., Thurs.: 10:00 p.m. for houseguests. 11:00 p.m. to be at home

Fri., Sat.: 12:00 p.m. houseguests and 1:00 p.m. to be at home

- Violation of a curfew will follow the disciplinary action process steps

HOUSEGUESTS

*Permission must be obtained before having anyone over. There is no Open Door policy.

*Females are NOT allowed, for any reason, in your bedrooms

*Guests are NOT allowed in our bedroom or bathroom

*You must obtain permission to have a guest stay overnight. You should ask us BEFORE asking the guest. If you don’t, the answer is “no”. Lights out will be expected as defined by curfew hours.

- Violation of any of the above will result in a 3-tiered consequence: 1. Guest will not be allowed to visit for one week. 2. Guest will not be allowed to visit for one month. 3. Guest will not be allowed to visit for six months. Based on circumstances, we may forego the above and ban a guest from our home permanently at any time.

MORAL RULES

*No smoking – including Hookah – inside our house

*No drinking – until age 21, then responsibly. Same for guests.

*No sex

*No drugs

*No illegal activities

- Violation of any of the above will result in immediate request to move out and possible notification to the police

FOOD

*No food or drink, except for water, in any area outside of the first floor

- Violation of the above will result in your having to purchase your own food and/or drink based on the tiered consequence: 1. One week. 2. One month. 3. Permanently

MEALS

Meals will be made for you; however, if you are unable to or decide not to participate in a family meal, you are asked to notify Mom 1 hour prior to meal time (5:30 p.m.). If you continually do not show up for a meal or provide notification, meals will no longer be provided and you will be expected to purchase your own food. You may store your food in the mini-refrigerator and cabinets in the garage. You are expected to make every attempt to attend Sunday lunches which will be served at 12:30 p.m.

SECURITY

*Entry and exit should be through the front door only which should be locked at all times. No one should be given a key nor should a spare key be made.

-Violation of the above will result immediately in your loss of a key. You will need to be let in.

CHORES

*Dishes will be done after each meal (you will be assigned a rotating month or week)

*Trash will be collected weekly and loaded into the truck (you will be assigned a rotating month/week)

*Lawn will be mowed and trimmed weekly (you will be assigned a rotating month or week)

* You will assist with housecleaning and yard work as needed and requested. One day a week you will be required to deep clean.

RESPONSIBILITIES

- Laundry: You are responsible for your own. Clothes should not be left throughout the house. Any clothing item left in one location longer than 2 days will be boxed up and put in storage. This includes laundry left in the washer, dryer, or laundry room floor.

- Bathroom: Toilets are to be flushed after each use and towels are to be hung on a hook

- Respect: It should go without saying, but you are required to be respectful to us and your sibling at all times. This includes no foul language, walking away during a conversation, or disrespectful tones or bursts of anger.

- Home: While you are living at home you are expected to help maintain it. This includes the chores outlined above and any other needed repairs or household work.

- Church: It is hoped you will attend a weekly service, whether with us or on your own. God needs to be the center of your life and honoring him weekly and in your daily life should be a priority. God will be there when we can’t, make sure he knows who you are!

- College: One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to obtain a college education. Make sure you don’t regret not obtaining it when you have the opportunity to do so. We will help you pay for your first year in college; however, you will be required to pay us back for any loans taken out in our name to pay for your college. Repayment will begin either at graduation, when you are no longer passing, or when you are no longer enrolled as a full-time student, whichever is earlier. While working, you will be required to deposit money into our savings account at $25.00 per pay period at a minimum. The second, third and fourth year of college we will help you out if we can; however, you should plan on funding it yourself.

- Relationships: Foster them, but choose your friends wisely. Choose a girlfriend even more carefully. They will be a reflection of you, make sure you are able to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see. Friends can lead you on the path of righteousness or down the path of destructiveness. You WILL be pulled into their lifestyle, make sure it’s a good one.

- Family: Family will be there for you when others won’t. Don’t forget the importance of supporting them as well by attending family functions and remembering special days such as; holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Calls are appreciated and needed to maintain regular correspondence, but your attendance and participation is even more important. Doing things even when we don’t want to shows character – build yours by remembering your family!

- Car: A car may or may not be available for your use. If available, you are responsible for driving safely and ensuring proper car mechanics. You are responsible for paying for gas and the car should be returned with the same amount of gas in it as when borrowed. A car may be “rented” at $5.00 per day or $25.00 for the week to help pay for car maintenance. This is payable BEFORE use of the car. If you are purchasing the car, this amount will be applied towards your payment and purchase price. You should always check oil and water levels and report any problems immediately to us. Driving privileges will be revoked when rules are not followed.

EXPENSES

*All expenses covered, as reasonable, and while adhering to the rules, for the first four years after graduating high school and while enrolled in college full-time with the following exclusions:

1. Gas money

2. Car

3. Personal expenses including; Clothes, entertainment, eating out, vacations, car accessories, gifts, fines, tickets, car repairs due to your negligence, other unnecessary wants, etc.

After four years, even if still enrolled in school, rules below will apply.

NOT ENROLLED FULL-TIME IN SCHOOL/LIVING AT HOME (Option Available Only to Age 21)

(Same as above with the following exceptions)

EXPENSES COVERED TO AGE 26

*Health, Dental and Vision insurance premiums only. You will be responsible for any outstanding balances after insurance payment.

EXPENSES NOT COVERED

*Car, Car insurance, Gas, Phone, Personal expenses including clothes, hair, entertainment, car title, etc.

*Rent will be paid by YOU to cover water, electricity and food expenses at $200.00/month

You WILL be required to be awake and up before 11:00 a.m. on a regular basis and complete designated chores. You will be required to seek, obtain, and maintain gainful employment while living at home.

IN COLLEGE FULL-TIME/LIVING ON YOUR OWN

EXPENSES COVERED TO AGE 26

*Health, Dental and Vision insurance premiums only. You will be responsible for any outstanding balances after insurance payment.

EXPENSES NOT COVERED

*Car, Car insurance, Gas, Phone, Personal expenses including clothes, hair, entertainment, car title, etc.

*Your rental expenses

- Keep in mind: Just because you are in college, if you do not pay your expenses, you will be responsible for resulting repercussions. We will not cover these expenses for you if you’re unable to do so. This WILL result in bad credit and WILL affect your credit history and ability to obtain loans and purchase a car or house in the future. Our advise to you is set a budget and stay on it.

MOVING OUT – TRANSITIONAL HELP

We know moving out is both exciting and scary. Getting on your two feet is difficult without some help. We are prepared to help you for the first month, for the first time and first time only, by providing the following payments on your behalf:

1. One month’s rent or deposit

2. One month’s payment on cell phone service

3. A supply of food for two weeks (this doesn’t include $ for food or eating out)

4. A full tank of gas (if you own a car)

5. One month payment on your car insurance premium

6. If you’ve been employed full-time for a minimum of six months we will consider co-signing on an auto loan for you in the future.

ITEMS YOU MAY TAKE WITH YOU:

2. Mattress, Box Spring and 2 Pillows

3. Personal Items i.e., clothes, razors, gifts given to you

4. Your Phone (Deactivated after one month from moving out date if contract is up or at time of contract renewal. You will pay monthly fees to us until renewal; otherwise, phone will be deactivated)

ITEMS YOU MAY NOT TAKE WITH YOU:

1. Bed, including bedroom furniture, TV’s, lamps, etc.

2. Anything not owned or purchased by you including towels, plates, tools, speakers, mini-refrig., pots, pans, dishes, silverware, appliances, etc.

3. Cars unpaid for and not titled to you unless specific repayment arrangements are made

4. Anything not pre-approved

DISCIPLINARY ACTION PROCESS

1. Warning with removal of privilege for one week as related to the infraction.

2. Deactivation of phone – one month

3. Deactivation of phone – permanently

4. Loss of driving privilege in any car not owned by you

5. Fine of $25.00 for each violation to be paid at the end of the week. Max. violation/wk. = 4

6. You will be required to move out within 30 days unless defined differently above

Each step is progressive. Second infractions which occur within one week from the last will move to the next step in the disciplinary action process. Phones will not be reactivated once permanently deactivated. Driving privileges will not be reinstated once lost. If asked to move out and you have not done so within 30 days, your personal items will be removed from the house and put into storage and a formal eviction process will begin.

Any expenses we cover on your behalf will be reimbursed to us. Payment is to be made as soon as possible. If you are working, 20% of your net paycheck will go to us to reimburse us for any outstanding expenses until repaid except for college expenses, as defined as above, with repayment deferred and repayable as defined. Repayment DOES INCLUDE college loans and any other personal loans.

I have read and understand the terms above:

______________________________________________/_______________________ (Effective 7/1/11)

What Once Was Lost, Now Is Found

Last month I wrote about my coworker who lost his wedding ring after being married for 3 days. Well, good news. He has it back. He said a couple of weeks ago someone found it in the parking lot. She asked the workers at the business if anyone had reported losing a ring. They told her that someone had. The finder would not leave the ring with them. Instead, she took my coworker's information and contacted him directly to make sure he received it. It has a few scrapes, but it looks pretty good.

Never Is A Long Time

Whenever you say that you'd never do something, you are saying a lot. You are stating that you have evaluated a nearly infinite range of scenarios and that there are no circumstances under which you would perform the action in question. It's likely then that we should be careful of such utterances. Let me give you two examples from coworkers, both regarding the state of matrimony.

Several years ago my coworker had reached the conclusion that her 2nd marriage was over. I can still take you to the exact spot where that day she exclaimed "I'm never getting married again!". I said something like "Are you sure?" knowing full well this was unlikely as she was only in her 40s. She unequivocally stated that she was never marrying again. Guess what she did within a couple years? Yep, got married for the 3rd time.

I had another coworker who also stated after his 2nd marriage ended that he would never marry again. At the time he was dating a coworker. Well, two weeks ago, after close to 7 years together he proposed to her and she accepted.

Never is a really long time. Be careful when making utterances that contain this phrase, lest you have to eat your words at a later date.

Team Motto In Action

Last year my mom and I attended my professional group's national meeting in Baltimore. We stayed at one of the conference hotels for which my company would reimburse me. We wanted to stay an extra day though, and we were unwilling to pay that rate ourselves. Thus, we booked this night at a property farther out of town to save money. Out of curiosity, the night before we checked out we asked at the front desk what they would charge for us to stay an extra night. We were quoted a rate of about half what they charged the other nights. Obviously, we spent the extra night at the conference hotel.

This year the group is meeting in Chicago. I decided to try this strategy again. I booked at the conference headquarter hotel for the nights for which my company will reimburse me. The rate is $245/night (yes, that's a discount rate). I then made a "safety" reservation at another hotel for the extra nights we are staying. I called the hotel directly Sunday to see if they would give us a break on the days after the conference is over. The lady from reservations was very nice and said that while there was a rate of $166/night listed for my group those days, it was unavailable. I told her thank you and ended the call.

Next, I did web search for "hotel name sales" for this property. I make lodging arrangements for my company's visitors, and this has taught me some things. First, just because the computer says it's unavailable doesn't mean it can't be made available. Second, a guest extending a stay is much easier money than having to find a completely different guest to fill that room. Finally, the sales team is where to go. They have more power than you'll typically find in the people answering the normal reservations phone.

I ended up finding the blog for hotel. It had the social media manager's e-mail address (who knew hotels had people with this title?) I sent her a very nice message stating that we were already staying 3 nights, we'd love to stay 3 more, could she help with getting the reduced rate that I was told was unavailable. She wrote me back after I'd left work yesterday stating that someone from reservations would be contacting me.

When I got to work this morning, I had a voicemail from someone in reservations. I called him, briefly reviewing the situation. He said "I can extend your stay at the group rate". I stated "No, I want a reduced rate". He (not so nicely) replied "I can't do that. We're selling these rooms for $300 a night". I  said thank you and that we would stay elsewhere.

Around an hour later, I got an e-mail from a different person in reservations. I'm pretty sure she was the manager. She said she had already extended my stay for 3 nights at the rate of $166. I just needed to e-mail her back to confirm I still wanted this. Of course, I e-mailed her right back and expressed my great appreciation for all her help! I called her later to give her my credit card info and again said how happy I was. She was extremely nice, and she didn't seem like it was any big deal to give me this rate. I also expressed my thanks to the social media manager for her assistance. I'm going to take them each a thank you note and some chocolate when I go.

The rate we ended up getting is what we would have paid to have stayed in the "safety" hotel. Where we are staying is a much higher prestige property, and we are saved the trouble of having to pack up all our stuff, check out, walk to the L, take the train, walk to the next hotel and check in there. This is a classic example of our team motto in action. I spent less than an hour doing all this, and it was very worth it.

Be Careful What You Wish For

You can probably complete this famous phrase "... because you just might get it". Sometimes we get what we ask for and find out it wasn't really what we wanted after all, or that perhaps we should have been a bit more specific in our request. I'd like to share a story that illustrates that.

Once upon a time we had a person who practically begged to be promoted to supervisor. Much to the consternation of others who outranked him in seniority, he was. He also got what he said was his minimum pay rate. What he neglected to do was some in depth math before he gave this number. As an hourly employee he worked a lot of overtime. When you added his overtime pay to his base, he now makes LESS as a supervisor. And yes, he still working as many hours as before if not more. He's never complained that I've heard. Perhaps he's just happy to have the title and responsibility. In my book though, that and $1.10 will get you a drink from the vending machine.

Moral of the story: Take the time to put some thought into what you want. It's better to spend the time on the front end than to get what you want and find out it's not as great as you thought it would be.

From Mistakes Can Come Masterpieces

Today I decided to make some scones for lunch. I loved them when I visited London last year, so when I got home I actually cracked open a cookbook and learned how to make them (Thanks Mom and Dad for buying me the "Joy of Cooking" for Christmas in 2001!). It's actually pretty easy, and they are so yummy.

As I was putting the ingredients together, I found I didn't have enough cream. No problem, I used milk instead. However, once I combined the wet and dry ingredients, I knew something was wrong. When mixed together, they should be barely moist. This was more like cake batter. Oops. I looked, and sure enough I'd put in 1/4 cup too much liquid. I thought ok, I'll just add some more flour. Nope still goopy. I repeated this several times. I admit that throwing the whole thing in the trash crossed my mind. However, I'd thrown something else out a while back, and I was determined to have this at least make it to the oven. Finally, after several rounds of flour addition and remixing, the batter looked about right. I put it in the oven and set the timer.

I had my doubts about how it would turn out. I've substituted milk for some of the cream before, and sometimes the scones stick to the pan since there's not enough fat (skim milk has a touch less fat than cream does). Also, I wondered if there would be enough baking powder to make them rise, would they taste ok, etc.

Well, the timer went off. I opened the oven, and they were starting to turn a golden brown. I let them cool a bit, then sampled one. These are the best scones I've ever made! I don't know if it was the addition of craisins (first time I've tried that) or some weird food chemistry from the way I combined the ingredients, but they are AWESOME.  Here's a pic along with the homemade apricot jam I ate with them. Yes, I was very chef-y today.

I think these scones are a lot like life. Sometimes from what seems like (or actually are) big mistakes, masterpieces can be made. If we allow Him to, God can use all the circumstances in which we find ourselves, whether of our own making or not. The control freak in me would prefer not to have made an error in making this recipe, but I worked with it and was rewarded with something fantastic. I think there's a lesson in there for us all.