No-knead foccacia tiles

During one of my recent spates of cleaning and organizing, I came across this recipe that I'd copied from an issue of Better Homes and Gardens over 2 years ago. I decided to make it last week. It was SO easy. Almost no effort at all really. Behold the finished product:

Toppings are (clockwise from upper right): blue cheese, parmesan cheese, pepperoni, roasted red peppers, green olives, and limes. Yum yum. I'd recommend pizza or spaghetti sauce for dipping. I think the tiles would also be great cut into smaller strips as an accompaniment for soup.

You can't make this stuff up

Recently my friend's coworker, Y.U., sent me two posts from this blog via my friend. Y.U. thought I'd like them. She was right. I now share them with you, along with my thoughts.

Story #1
1. LOVE the peep picture that accompanies the story. How awesome is that?
2. I have a purple glitter pen. It's great. I wouldn't use it on a job application personally, but I wouldn't get too bent out of shape if someone else did.
3. How on earth do you spell your own name wrong, TWICE?
4. My teammate's favorite part was the person can't work weekends "cuz" she's hung over. Nice command of the English language. (also note the person referred to Friday and Saturday as weekends. Last time I checked weekends were Saturday and Sunday.)
4. Can you imagine watching the fake nail fly off and hit the person in the eye? It would be hilarious as long as you weren't the recipient.
5. My  teammate asked what job this person would be qualified for. "I'm serious" she said. I think probably one similar to that illustrated in the peep photo.

Story #2
1. Completely agree with the concluding sentence. I'd also add "your spouse, significant other, aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc.". Unless you are so sick you can't make the call yourself, no one but you needs to be having work related conversations with your boss. Period.
2. Does this lady not get that part of the reason he's the way he is could stare her in the mirror every day? Hello.
3. If he'd driving you crazy, kick him out. It's your house. He's an adult. Tell him it's time to figure it out.
4. A point about discrimination: people oftentimes fail to understand this term. Discriminate means to differentiate. If you don't believe me, google it. We all discriminate every day.  I discriminate when I stop at the red light and go when it turns green. You can do the same with people. For example, you can say "I'm not hiring anyone under 30". That is not illegal. However, you can't say "I'm not hiring anyone over 30." That is an illegal form of discrimination- age. Note that it only applies to people 40 and over. Crazy, yes, but true.

I hope you enjoyed these stories as much as I did. Thanks to Y.U. for sending them to me. As I told my mom and one of the commenters noted, you can't make this stuff up. Before I would worked in HR, I would never have believed these stories were true. I do now.

A bonus story from today: A person being interviewed spent most of the time tell his prospective boss the things she should be doing. This made one of other attendees so nervous she later said she felt like she was having a panic attack. Finally the manager got so mad she said "I'm the X Manager. You don't need to tell me how to do my job". With that, she got up and walked out of the room.

Elves and Pixies

Today I overhead our IT manager (we'll call him I) tell our electrical contractor "if you have to use elves and pixies to get it done". This company is installing the data cables for our office, which is being entirely relocated on Friday. I is not known for his planning and organization skills, and I've pegged him as the most likely one to have a nervous breakdown during the move.  He didn't look happy today, and I told someone I thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown just then. The contractor didn't look happy either based on the body language I saw. I also heard them say "We are just building to scope" meaning what our design is.

If I had to guess where the fault lies here, I'll go with I. Three days before the move is probably not the time to be addressing whatever this issue is. This all should have been confirmed quite some time ago. Someone asked a member of the move team if they had tested the phone lines, etc. in our new office space (which is still not done yet by the way). The answer was "No, we are just going to hope everything works". NICE. Let's just say that Tuesday morning could prove very interesting.

Oh no he didn't

Today a woman came to the front window and said "Is there a restroom I can use? I'm waiting for someone". I told her yes and how to find it. I then looked at my teammate, and we both started laughing. We had both figured out that she was waiting in the car for someone who was interviewing. Now, I shouldn't have to tell you NOT to bring people to your job interview with you, whether you leave them in the car or not. I later saw her sitting in our cafeteria. Did she ask anyone if she could hang out? Not that I know of. Not a good impression at all.

Here's the best part though. Was the person interviewing for an entry level position where one somehow might not know how poor etiquette this is? Nope. He was interviewing to be the Assistant HR director for our $100 million+ company. As my teammate said "Oh no he didn't. Yes he did."

And you have HOW much of my money?

Two weeks ago my coworker, the benefits queen, was on vacation. In her absence, my boss forwarded me a voicemail he'd received from our 401(k) provider. One of our associates was in the process of rolling over her 401(k) from her last job into our plan. All that was needed was my boss's signature as plan administrator. I looked for the form in the two places I could think of, but I was unable to find it. I contacted the provider, and the person said she'd e-mail me the form. She did, but she sent me a BLANK FORM. Not so helpful.

I called back. After briefly searching, this person was able to find the completed form. She e-mailed me the page required, I had my boss sign it, then I sent it back to her. Not long after that, a third person from the company e-mailed and said all they had was page 1 and that we needed to fill out the rest of the form. Um, no. The page my boss signed was page 4, so obviously they had more than page 1. Person #2 had found the entire form and said we only needed page 4 signed. I told person #3 this.

Fast forward a few days. I get a voicemail from person #2 stating she'd never received the form. I e-mailed it to her AGAIN, and I left her a voicemail asking her to call and confirm that everything was fine. It's been over a week, and I've heard nothing.

This process has not left me with a warm fuzzy. This is one of the largest 401(k) plan providers in the country, and they are completely unorganized. They have over a decade's worth of 401(k) contributions I've made. This is no small sum. Whenever I leave this job, I am rolling it over into an IRA for sure.

Jerry Spring LIVE from my front porch

This afternoon I was sitting out on my porch reading.  All of a sudden, I hear some noise and see a young guy carrying a tree limb. Behind him is a young lady, followed by a middle aged guy. And they are running after each other into and down the alley. At first I thought they were joking around, but it soon dawned on me they weren't. I then thought "Do I need to call 9-1-1?". I considered it, but I couldn't hear them after a bit and figured maybe it had calmed down. Guess what I hear about a minute or so later? Yep, the police (I live just a few blocks from the police station). Another neighbor had indeed called.

I got the scoop soon after from some of the neighbors. It seems baby daddy (young guy) and baby momma (young lady) had gotten into it over a cell phone. Yes, a cell phone. She either slipped or was pushed (depending on who was telling the story) in the altercation and ended up with a huge abrasion down her side. Her dad (aka middle aged guy or baby grandpa) was the other person in the pursuit. And of course, it seems the actual baby was there for most or all of this. Nice. Somehow no one went to jail, and when all was said and done I watched baby daddy ride away on his bike. And by bike I mean bicycle.

How great is it that I don't even have to look for things to put on this blog? I can just sit on my very own porch and the stories come to me. As I've been telling people, it was like watching a live episode of Jerry Springer.

Crazy in action

Today my coworker and I were talking to one of the contractors (we'll call him X) who's been working on our facility expansion. He said they're about done with their portion of the work. I asked if he knew where his next job would be. He said he didn't, but that he hoped it was close to home. He lives 1.5 hours from our site, and he and another guy from his company (who happens to be his boss and his dad) are renting an apartment to stay in during the week. I mentioned that his coworker C (for Crazy, you'll understand soon) had an even farther drive, but C had dogs and he had to take care of them. I said I'd find someone to watch those dogs for me. At this point X says that C could have his wife do that. I didn't know that C was married. He's never mentioned it, and I talk to him on a "hi, how are you" basis quite frequently. X said "well, last thing I knew they were still married." He indicated the relationship has been complicated. Then he dropped the bomb "She shot him once". WHAT?!?! He then told us the story.

It seems C was working a job site away from home, and he had a girlfriend at this location. The wife found out about it, drove there, and at the end of lunch break SHOT HIM IN THE STOMACH. Yikes. He, of course, had to go to the hospital. X said he's pretty sure charges were never filed. Then he added "She's a stripper. That's how C met her." He also stated that for several years a picture of her decorated the inside of the crew's job box. That came to an end when employees at a company where they were working complained. I said she must not have had on regular clothes or no one would have complained. X said "She was on the pole". Classy. I gave X a piece of advice "Learn what C's wife looks like, and if you see her on a job site, run away as fast as you can".

Think C for crazy is appropriate?  

Fast Shrimp Bisque

The March 2012 edition of Better Homes and Gardens featured this recipe for fast shrimp bisque. Fast & shrimp happen to be two of my favorite words when it comes to cooking, so I decided to try it. I made the soup on Sunday (minus the anchovies), and here's how it turned out:

It was very easy to make, and it tastes great. I just read the online version, and the spicy curry variation sounds tasty too. I might have to try that next time. I'd recommend giving this recipe a whirl if "fast" and "shrimp" happen to be two of your favorite cooking works as well.

Brothers Can Come In Handy

Friday my Tracker started acting funny. When I started it after work, it was shaking horribly at idle. I drove it home, and I didn't drive it again until today as it's my "daily driver". When I started it this morning, the same awful shaking. As I drove, I noticed it also had almost no acceleration. It has less than 100 horsepower, so it's never all that swift, but it acted like the gerbils were just worn out. I googled the symptoms, and it looked like the most likely culprits were things that were fairly inexpensive, somewhat of a relief.

When I got home, it was time to contact my car consultant, aka my brother. He knows lots about vehicles, and he even has a degree on the subject. He said it could be several things, but he'd have to have the vehicle with him to be sure (he lives an hour away). I asked him if I should drive it. He said not until I figured out what was wrong with it. I inquired if there was anything I could check myself, he said I could check the spark plug wires. I popped the hood, then asked which wires they were. He described them to me. I selected what I thought was them, and they looked fine. I quickly realized I was looking at the wrong thing. I should have been able to figure out where the spark plugs were fairly readily as not too long ago I'd helped my brother put new ones in my other car (helped= watched him do it).

I checked the plugs and they were connected to the block just fine. My brother also asked me to check the other end of the wires. When I found where they went I asked "Could one being completely unhooked be the problem?" He said "yes". I reconnected it, then tightened two others that were about to come loose. Now for the moment of truth. I started it up, and no more death rattle. Yea little bro!

The technical explanation is this: one of the spark plugs had come unconnected from the distributor cap (I asked my brother so I'd get it correct on my blog post). When I asked him why, he said they're probably just old. He recommended I replace them and the plugs since we have no idea the last time that was done, if ever. He said parts will be less than $30. I'm going to have him do that later this month just as good preventative maintenance. If it ever happens again though, I know just what to do.

I'm so thankful my brother was able to talk me through this. I told him he'll have to tell his friends and coworkers (he works at an auto parts store) that he did his first car repair via conference call. Brothers can indeed come in very handy.

Pardon me, but your incompetence is showing

This post is courtesy of my friend and former co-worker. Wednesday she forwarded me an e-mail exchange featuring one of her not-so-bright co-workers. She then asked me if she'd told me the Tijuana story. She hadn't but I could tell it would a good one. She called me to relay the story, and it was indeed quite entertaining.

We'll call her annoying co-worker Associate I for incompetent. Associate I's job is to book travel for team members at the company. She booked a trip for 2 team members to visit a facility near Tijuana. First, she had them fly into California. Now, the last time I checked, Tijuana was in Mexico. They then rent a car and drive into Mexico. I told my friend that we don't let our people drive in Mexico. She said it's against their policy too. Oopsy. Next, their company insurance, like ours, doesn't cover rental vehicles outside the U.S. and Canada. Did she have them purchase insurance from the rental car agency? No. She didn't even know the car wasn't covered, though my friend who is only a back up to Associate I did. Then the two members got lost, and they were driving around Tijuana for quite some time. Great. Two obvious foreigners driving around Mexico in a brand new Toyota Camry. They are lucky they weren't carjacked, kidnapped for ransom, or worse.

One thing for sure, I don't want Associate I booking any travel for me.

A Squirrel of a Different Color

This week I was explaining the purple squirrel concept to our IT intern. He grasped it quickly. I was telling him we have to settle for maroon squirrels when my boss chimed in "but a lot of times we get "mo-ron" squirrels". I loved it. My boss doesn't normally come up with things like that, but it was hilarious AND true.

Great New Quote

Last weekend I was watching Storage Wars at my Mom's house. Dave Hester said the following, and I loved it :"There's no strategy with crazy". Oh my goodness, how true is that? I knew I'd have to share it with my coworker as we frequently talk about and deal with tons of crazy in our job. She loved it too. Now whenever an applicable situation arises, we'll look at the other and say "there's no strategy". I'll bet you can use this one a lot in your daily life too.

And a pair of underwear too

Yesterday our Maintenance team was moving out old uniform lockers. We're getting all new ones to go in our newly remodeled locker rooms. It's been announced for a week that people needed to empty their lockers before today. Did everyone comply? Of course not. The Maintenance Team was not happy, and I don't blame them. They threw all items they found on the floor and left them there. One of the guys told me "If I find a pair of underwear, I'm going home." Less than five minutes later, he came across a pair of tighty-whiteys. AHAHAHAH. The lockers are labeled, so we know whose they were. They didn't join the pile of uniforms on the floor. The maintenance guy grabbed a piece of conduit probably at least six feet long and used the end to remove the undies and place them in the trash can in our cafeteria. I'm not sure if anyone else saw them in there or not. But believe me, I'm sure by now everyone in the building knows about this.

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Planning is a good thing- UPDATE

Today one of my friends asked if I was still using my old computer or my new one. I got the new one back, and it's about 95% functional. Printers were added so I can print from virtual machine. After two upgrades (since our version was SO old), our HR software  will now run on Windows 7 (we're still not running the current version, of course). A fix was found so I can use Outlook 2007 for almost all of the mailboxes that I monitor. This is good as I couldn't open attachments in virtual machine mode. I'd have to save them to my desktop, then open. That was a pain in the rear for sure. The only lingering problem is I can't open 2 of the mailboxes. I can, however, open the calendars for those resources. IT is stumped. For now I have to use Outlook in virtual machine mode to open those mailboxes. So, are we there yet? Not quite. But it is getting better.

P.S. The HR software upgrade was done Friday while my coworker was off. She came in Monday and of course couldn't use the program. She asked the two senior IT people about it. I told her they wouldn't be able to do it, and she figured that's what would happen. They told her they'd look at it. Later that day they asked her if she could wait until today while the most junior person on the team got back from funeral leave. Nothing like cross team capability is there?